Spaghetti Brained Musings

So the Daniel Pan was in my dream a lot last night. So was the ocean and rain and ocean creatures Used to dream a lot about the sea and her wildlife - feels good to be back there again. The breakdown: It's all jumbly, but here goes I think the other Pan was having a party or something...or there was a beach party that i was at and his parent's house was close by i left the party and was walking around in this huge house that had about 4 levels...all with lovely thick carpeted stairs. I kept running into his mum...and then I'd see the Pan person and he'd have that intense, unsmiling look that he had in a dream before this...I'm not really sure why i was in the house and i didn't speak to the Pan person much, he just popped up a lot...i was with his mum in the kitchen at one stage The house was big and square...and...the walls were very textured and the cracky texture had some discolouration...like....dried tea bags had been dabbed all over parchment paper.....

I love it when the inspiration rage hits.....and everything is going everywhere and so many thoughts and so many wants and so many dreams and wishes and and and. A fly just flew into my juice. That could be the perfect text for one of those ADHD meme things. I have today to myself, completely to myself. I've used it to be inspired...now I just need to let it out. I need more days to myself. Days like this! I'm so excited! Veins a-pumping. Well...duh they are. You know what I mean. I'm going to paint. Bye bye now.

i wonder what it's like to be a memory. do they feel the feelings, see the sights, speak the talks? are they like ghosts, flitting around. do they change and grow up like people, start at one person and being transferred to another  building on what it was for its own growth as well as the person;s. or... do they pop in and out of existence but stay pretty much just part of the cosmicness that our brain milky ways produce. i keep thinking of the dreams in The BFG now. Thanks for that one Mum. Mental note to show it to the Bean when she's older. Imagine if you could be a Memory Wanderer. I suppose everyone is one to a degree. I'm wandering a lot of my memories lately. Memories of friends like Sonja and the times we had, how I miss her so much now and catching up over the interweb just isn't enough. Those times were so different. So good, but so different. Everything has changed so much...it's the nature of things...

It's nice sitting in your head when it's all quiet. You get to look around. No rushing, no others' thoughts to cloud it or try to push in. Just quiet. So much more to see. So much more to hear. Every scuffle echoes and ripples and morphs. I like it here again. I want to invite people to come over.

CocoRosie in general is one of my biggest soul sparkle inducers. The sight of these sister just makes me cry...pure emotions. Not sure why. It's is one of my greatest wishes to meet them or at the very least see them perform. But I can't get enough of RIP BurnFace http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjrOYRArBLk " Acid burned face clowny tear smile She's the one who made you wild She made you question all your answers Made you beg for her forgiveness Baby girl, don't cry Momma's gonna buy you a glass eye And it will glimmer like starlight She's got no reservations Ain't got no place to be He graveyard's in the backyard Where the meadows used to be" Even better is that the YT link is of them singing live...so you get to SEE them, the beautiful golden children. Another possibility for my upcoming sabbatical...

such a strange feeling. to want to write so badly, but not knowing what to write. "I've got nothing to write about". such a cop out. how can anyone not have something to write about? Every day you see something different, even if you don't notice it. every day there is some sort of change. routine? doesnt truly exist. there are too many happenings in the world for that. nothing is ever the same. who would want it to be? today i got saved again, by music. music i havent heard before. i know it wont be the same. tomorrow it wont have the same colours, sounds, smells and textures. every day is an adventure... today i semi played in puddles...so did the other 2 pans. we got to do that because of  a mundane thing like a fire drill. i got to have flashes of non memories of The Bean and i playing around in puddles and giggling and laughing. wishes, dreams and hopes...because of a "mundane" happening. its so easy to get stuck in the dreary every day outl...

It' s a difficult thing, to merge alter egos, when the fissure between the 3 seem so big. Why were they separated in the first place? Self preservation? If so, it didn't work, not by a long shot. But the healing has started. They all got pretty much mutilated. But...that's in the past and it's the now that's exciting, finally. Delilah: my beautiful strong, sexy, sultry Delilah, bathed in red velvet and born to be shrouded in smoke. Never quite seen ...but, oh you can see her glowing eyes and shiny red lips You can't miss those. I miss her the most, I think. She brings the passion, of all kinds. The Pan: the bubble froths, happy heart jelly, Neverland and all round fae. This one took me to Ireland to try and save my whole self. This one runs in my veins, pulses in my heart and sings in my soul. This one was never really lost, just hiding. Leila: the name I was given. Quite a nice one. The eternal introvert. Is this the weak one? The one who allowed this all...